Rape culture? What Happens When a Feminist’s Son is Accused of Rape?

I am a feminist. I have marched at the barricades, subscribed to Ms. magazine, and knocked on many a door in support of progressive candidates committed to women’s rights. Until a month ago, I would have expressed unqualified support for Title IX and for the Violence Against Women Act.

But that was before my son, a senior at a small liberal-arts college in New England, was charged—by an ex-girlfriend—with alleged acts of “nonconsensual sex” that supposedly occurred during the course of their relationship a few years earlier.

What followed was a nightmare—a fall through Alice’s looking-glass into a world that I could not possibly have believed existed, least of all behind the ivy-covered walls thought to protect an ostensible dedication to enlightenment and intellectual betterment.

It began with a text of desperation. “CALL ME. URGENT. NOW.”

That was how my son informed me that not only had charges been brought against him but that he was ordered to appear to answer these allegations in a matter of days. There was no preliminary inquiry on the part of anyone at the school into these accusations about behavior alleged to have taken place a few years earlier, no consideration of the possibility that jealousy or revenge might be motivating a spurned young ex-lover to lash out. Worst of all, my son would not be afforded a presumption of innocence.

In fact, Title IX, that so-called guarantor of equality between the sexes on college campuses, and as applied by a recent directive from the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights, has obliterated the presumption of innocence that is so foundational to our traditions of justice. On today’s college campuses, neither “beyond a reasonable doubt,” nor even the lesser “by clear and convincing evidence” standard of proof is required to establish guilt of sexual misconduct.

These safeguards of due process have, by order of the federal government, been replaced by what is known as “a preponderance of the evidence.” What this means, in plain English, is that all my son’s accuser needed to establish before a campus tribunal is that the allegations were “more likely than not” to have occurred by a margin of proof that can be as slim as 50.1% to 49.9%.

How does this campus tribunal proceed to evaluate the accusations? Upon what evidence is it able to make a judgment?

The frightening answer is that like the proverbial 800-pound gorilla, the tribunal does pretty much whatever it wants, showing scant regard for fundamental fairness, due process of law, and the well-established rules and procedures that have evolved under the Constitution for citizens’ protection. Who knew that American college students are required to surrender the Bill of Rights at the campus gates?

My son was given written notice of the charges against him, in the form of a letter from the campus Title IX officer. But instead of affording him the right to be fully informed, the separately listed allegations were a barrage of vague statements, rendering any defense virtually impossible. The letter lacked even the most basic information about the acts alleged to have happened years before. Nor were the allegations supported by any evidence other than the word of the ex-girlfriend.

The hearing itself was a two-hour ordeal of unabated grilling by the school’s committee, during which, my son later reported, he was expressly denied his request to be represented by counsel or even to have an attorney outside the door of the room. The questioning, he said, ran far afield even from the vaguely stated allegations contained in the so-called notice. Questions from the distant past, even about unrelated matters, were flung at him with no opportunity for him to give thoughtful answers.

The many pages of written documentation that my son had put together—which were directly on point about his relationship with his accuser during the time period of his alleged wrongful conduct—were dismissed as somehow not relevant. What was relevant, however, according to the committee, was the unsworn testimony of “witnesses” deemed to have observable knowledge about the long-ago relationship between my son and his accuser.

That the recollections of these young people (made under intense peer pressure and with none of the safeguards consistent with fundamental fairness) were relevant—while records of the accuser’s email and social media postings were not—made a mockery of the very term. While my son was instructed by the committee not to “discuss this matter” with any potential witnesses, these witnesses against him were not identified to him, nor was he allowed to confront or question either them or his accuser.

Thankfully, I happen to be an attorney and had the resources to provide the necessary professional assistance to my son. The charges against him were ultimately dismissed but not before he and our family had to suffer through this ordeal. I am of course relieved and most grateful for this outcome. Yet I am also keenly aware not only of how easily this all could have gone the other way—with life-altering consequences—but how all too often it does.

Across the country and with increasing frequency, innocent victims of impossible-to-substantiate charges are afforded scant rights to fundamental fairness and find themselves entrapped in a widening web of this latest surge in political correctness. Few have a lawyer for a mother, and many may not know about the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, which assisted me in my research.

There are very real and horrifying instances of sexual misconduct and abuse on college campuses and elsewhere. That these offenses should be investigated and prosecuted where appropriate is not open to question. What does remain a question is how we can make the process fair for everyone.

I fear that in the current climate the goal of “women’s rights,” with the compliance of politically motivated government policy and the tacit complicity of college administrators, runs the risk of grounding our most cherished institutions in a veritable snake pit of injustice—not unlike the very injustices the movement itself has for so long sought to correct. Unbridled feminist orthodoxy is no more the answer than are attitudes and policies that victimize the victim.

By Judith Grossman

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Women Against Feminism UK: We hear a lot from feminists that feminism is a perfect movement made by perfect women (feminists), who don’t hate men, who would never lie about domestic violence, the wage gap, patriarchy, the “rape culture,” etc. Lies. Lies. Lies.

This is what happens when a sacralized victim group gains power. These  blind social justice warriors talk nonsense and hate common sense and logic. What’s about a good investigation?

The feminist Judith Grossman should be ashamed of herself. She was always oh-so aware of injustice except when it was done to others and when it was done by those on “her side.” It’s only when her son is attacked that she wakes up temporarily and sees what she and her comrades have wrought over the years.

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28 thoughts on “Rape culture? What Happens When a Feminist’s Son is Accused of Rape?

  1. Welcome to the club! I would say I went through something similar but our was actually much worse. My partner was falsely accused. The police, believing that women do not lie about rape never even did an investigation and just believed her, even though there was plenty of evidence that she was lying. The DA was able to get an indictment on just her testimony since all the exculpatory evidence had been avoided. My boyfriend was held in jail for 2 months on $1 million bail with absolutely no proof that he had ever committed a crime. Here is our story: http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/why-yet-another-liberal-progressive-woman-abandons-feminism/

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  2. This story came out a bit ago. A few important points (and do read them all – it starts off harsh and ends nicely)

    1) Judith helped create this mess – and she advocated for these very policies and cheered at their passage. I suspect that a law or poicy that will never apply to YOU and allows folks from your group to heap pain upon “the enemy” sounds pretty yummy.

    2) I was falsely accused of rape in college, so take what I say next as being sincere and without snark : Until it was JUDITH’s son, she did not care one whit what happened to men like me. Now that it is her son, she cares. How convenient.

    3) All that said : what has she done since? Has she quietly gone back to going in lockstep with her feminist sisters? No – she made the courageous decision to turn her back on those bigots and now advocates for men who are being falsely accused. I say courageous because anyone who has dealt with feminist women knows that simply standing against them means they will play dirty pool and try to hurt you simply for speaking against their policies.

    4) Again, as a false allegation survivor – and it’s taken me YEARS to get “over it” (I never went back to college – to freaking anti-male) – I am sorry that it took her son being in legal peril and in extreme emotional distress to make this happen, but I’m glad Judith has opened her eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations Judith Grossman. This is what you fought for all these years.

    It’s disheartening that your son is involved at the other end of your cause but these are the seeds you’ve sewn and now you get to reap the rewards of your harvest, yet another young males life put to shambles because mother knows best.

    Just so you know I have friends that have went through this and their lives never get better.
    You loose jobs, loved ones, and society as a whoal spits on you.
    Doesn’t matter if your right or wrong.

    So feel free to hold your head high in hypocrisy and the others much like yourself because it’s your sons that will suffer your ignorance.

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  4. I feel for her son, but not for her. I have one loved one who is doing 25 years on the word of a lying woman. My best friend narrowly avoided a railroading by our out of control laws. Now our feminist friend will get to share the sleepless nights, the endless tears, and maybe even the experience of jailhouse visits. I hope her son is found innocent for his own sake, and I hope this wakes his mother up to what she and her ilk have created.

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  5. While, I’m glad your son was able to advert this charge. It’s really a shame that it took this incident to wake you up to this reality. Thousands of young boys/men have had their lives wrecked over girls/women that have taken out vengeance against them. I have witnessed it myself in the Army. I hope with your experience through this ordeal and with your education as a lawyer, you will get involved to help change some of these laws that are used to destroy these kid’s lives.

    Consensual sex between two teenagers beyond a certain age should not be used to destroy these boy’s lives. There are thousands of examples of kids being registered as sex offenders because parents of the girls don’t want their daughter’s reputation ruined because she chose to lay with a boy, so they bring “statutory rape” charges against him and now he is a “sexual predator” for the rest of his life.

    In the case of your son, that girl should have been made to pay a fine to you for bringing false charges. Girls must understand consequences to their actions too.

    BTW, I am a woman, but I am not a feminist.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is what the feminists have been fighting for. The very accusation determines guilt. Welcome to the real world. Welcome to the mean world.

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  7. Pingback: Rape culture? What Happens When a Feminist’s Son is Accused of Rape? | beginingsinwriting

  8. To Judith:
    I think the process of alleged rape are not right anywhere, but at least in your country there is prosecution. Where i live, you are lucky if you came out alive after a rape…sadly femenism as many other terms for most of the people is “open to interpretation”. Equality and equity are not synonims, we should work harder to protect the rights we have as human beings with caring about gender.

    To Women Against Feminism UK:
    With the comment i read you wrote to Judith, i did not know if i should laugh or cry. Your are blaming the “crime” to Judith and feminism, and assumming all feminist are like that. Women have the right to fight for what they believe, and you have no word in saying that unless that hurts someone. I think you as an organization are a lot more dangerous that feminism by itself, because as a group you belive “YOU ARE RIGHT” and that´s it. Things are not black and white, and as an organization you should focus in the forest and not only in a few trees, or maybe you do not even like the forest and prosecute destruction?…Think carefully what you say, post and comment, because with all respect, as a woman that has suffered discrimination for being a woman i find you pitful.

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    • Quite strange, that you would tell another person how they can express their opinion and freedom of speech. You say women have the right to fight for what they believe in, and I do not disagree, but I don’t think it’s wise, or correct, to think that every woman is a “feminist”, and I do not think that just because someone does not identify as a “feminist” that they do not believe in equality. As a human being that has inevitably suffered from discrimination in general, like every other human being, regardless of gender, I find your comment flawed, and I fail to see why you, or the feminist movement, deserve more than another and or another group. Equality is equality, feminism is feminism and freedom of speech stands in its own right.

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      • Maybe i did not express myself clearly, i am not telling anyone how they should express nor thinking every woman is a feminist (wondering where i wrote that o.O), actually i was saying that we should fight for equality in this kind of acussations, (women and men). I have suffered discrimination for being a girl, (for other reasons too sometimes) so i think equality is important for everyone, and i though that is what i wrote…to be honest i do not understant you statment, but is ok. I just gave my opinion.

        Greetings

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  9. Sorry. Her son got what she intended for every OTHER male. This woman is ONLY upset because it affected HER. NO SYMPATHY.

    Frankly, i would rather eat glass than give this evil hypocrite a modicum of sympathy. I hope her son understands the role his mother played in his own unjust treatment, and NEVER lets her forget it.

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  10. Well, now that you, as a feminist, understand how wrong it is to take away due process, and the concern of parents and loved ones for men in academia and the workplace who are essentially helpless, hopefully you’ll join us in fighting to reverse this epic blunder.

    And everyone else commenting here: shut up about karma this, reaped what you sow that. Anyone can have an epiphany once an issue enters their personal life. Feminists are so indoctrinated that this is probably what it takes. Be a bit more f’ing mature, people. Your spite is worth absolutely nothing.

    I hope your son does not suffer unjust treatment. I will keep this in my thoughts.

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  11. That’s your fault. Your son should immediately stop seeing you. Being a feminist you are responsible for it and since “active consent” laws have been passed on campus and there are already apps doing face-recognition with consent recording to monitor every teens sexual activity like in 1984 thanks to feminism, this will only further spread.

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  12. //Thankfully, I happen to be an attorney and had the resources to provide the necessary professional assistance to my son.// – honestly what kind of an attorney are you that you did not even understand the implications of title IX (which are absolutely obvious to even non-attorneys) and you would support it?

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  13. Time to hurt people’s feelings. Maybe this is karma? I mean the reason it’s like this is because of the feminist movement. You said yourself that you would have backed IX had it been used against your son. I think people like when laws are changed to suit their needs. But when its used against them they are like “Wait a minute. That’s supposed to protect me. Not be used against me.”
    My point is this. Maybe you need to stop being so feminist. Maybe instead of just seeking for equal rights and pay (which you definitely deserve) for your gender and start seeking what’s what’s best for the greater good of the human race. Although it seems as though you may have already learned that lesson.

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  14. You deserved it Judith. You son is paying for your sins. You should have thought at least once before. Now karma has hit back and it’s too late now. ….. Enjoy the game !

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  15. A typical hypocrite who wants to claim, despite being a lawyer, that she was completely unaware that the totalitarian policies she championed would strip human beings of their legal rights. Sorry, but I’m not buying that lie, Grossman. You knew what could and what was happening to men, you just didn’t care until it effected your own boy.

    I do feel sorry for her son however. First, he has Grossman for a mother and, second, he has to live in the dysfunctional world which Grossman and her ilk created for.

    Go MGTOW, young man. MGTOW save men’s lives.

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  16. Judith you deserve the torment of watching your son get thrown in jail for a cause you believed in
    back when the consequences didn’t matter to you.

    You deserve it soooo much. Karma is a bitch isn’t it? I hope he gets life in prison then disowns you
    for it and you being a estranged mother haunts you for eternity.

    No sympathy for you whatsoever. NONE!

    MGTOW

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